I never forget the day, my daughter was born.

The looks on the faces of the doctors and nurses was frightening. There was no cry from the baby, no cheers around the room, just a quick hustle, fast moving figures in green masks scurrying around.

They never let me hold my baby, never said a word. They whisked her away and ordered my husband to follow them.

See, Samantha was born 16 weeks early at 1 pound 12 ounces and only 12 inches long. Her skin was thin like a sheet of paper and her eyes were still fused shut. I've never seen such a tiny baby in my life.

When a child is born premature, many parents don't realize that they are going through many fazes of grief. These emotions often go unacknowledged, unrecognized or swept away because of immediate concern for the child. It's important as a parent that you take the time to acknowledge your feelings, and deal with them in order to effectively deal with the challenges that lie ahead as well as be a strong support for your baby.

Here are some of the most common feelings and situations that many parents face shortly after the birth of the baby:

1. Disappointment of the childbirth - Often during a woman's pregnancy, she begins to fantasize about the birth experience. When there is an emergency c-section or unusual birth. Your experience may be quite the opposite of your expectations. Allow yourself time to grieve over the loss of that.

2. Pain of going home without your baby - Often there is guilt, fear, disappointment as well as the obvious worry about being discharged without your child. The moment that holds the strongest in my mind is when I was wheeled out of the hospital in the wheelchair holding a plant instead of my baby. There was an overwhelming sadness in that.

3. Dealing with the stages of grief - you may not think so, but grief is a part of dealing with a sick child. Many parents grieve the loss of the ideal that they planned for during the pregnancy. Normal stages of grief include, denial, anger, guilt, depression, loneliness and acceptance

4. Expecting your partner to have the same reactions as you do. My husband dealt with Samantha's hospitalization with anger and denial. I dealt with it with a combination of extreme sadness to extreme efficient behavior (quite a scary combination, actually). These types of expecations can cause undo stress on an already stressful situation. Allow each other to grieve in your own unique way without judgement. Try to be as supportive of the others mode of dealing with this issue.

5. Siblings are acting out - if there are older siblings, remember that they are dealing with this too. One way that they may show their confusion and fear is through acting out, getting in trouble, extreme helpfulness, or anger toward the parent or baby. It's important to incorporate the entire family into the healing process. Allow them to be as involved in the baby's life and visitation as much as possible if age appropriate. Answer their questions honestly and take time off from the hospital to spend with them.

6. Learning to deal with different types of healthcare providers for your child and learning medical terminology in the midst of your emotional state. I became the research queen. I arranged meeting with every single health care provider my daughter had and asked them how can I help them, help her. It was very important for me to become a partner with my daughter's healthcare providers. I learned everything that I could about who these people where, what they were doing with her and what could I do if they weren't around. At this stage, it was easier to live in my head than my heart.

7. Not accepting help from others - I have to say that this is probably the most important advice that I have to share with you today. If someone offers support, help, a shoulder, whatever...take the help. Many push the people that want to help us away in our grief. I felt guilty if I left the hospital or let someone else take a shift with her. My self-care went down to zero, my family life suffered and I suffered. I had no emotional support structure to lean on. For goodness sakes, take the support.

Above all, remember to express your feelings. Whether it is to the hospital social worker, a support group, a friend or your spouse. Don't be a lone ranger. Your child needs you to be there for him in one piece, physically and mentally.

Written by: Irene Brooks,
Irene@3-DSuccessCoach.com
http://www.3-DSuccessCoach.com
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Irene Brooks is a Professional Life and Business Coach, speaker, writer and marketing consultant who specializes in helping small business owners and entrepreneurs to quickly and easily generate a constant stream of customers without wasting time and money on ineffective marketing techniques. She has successfully built two businesses of her own via traditional, internet and non-traditional marketing techniques. The biggest joy of her life - besides her family - is to help others do the same.

Irene began her career in Corporate America as a marketing executive with several Fortune 500 companies, where she took great pleasure in creating exciting and lucrative changes within these organizations. She began her business in order to stay at home with her family after her very premature daughter was born.

She resides in North Carolina with her husband and three daughters and has been a full-time work at home mom for the past 6 years and does volunteer work supporting parents of children with special needs.

To find out more how Irene can help you create your ideal life and business, go to http://www.3-DSuccessCoach.com

This article syndicated through IdeaMarketers.com